


My Precious First Love

by hoyayaho



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Post-Break Up, Post-Time Skip, bokuaka being soft babies, high school sweethearts, soft bokuaka
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:01:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23153668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoyayaho/pseuds/hoyayaho
Summary: Post break up BokuAka fic where Akaashi reminisces the days he spent loving Bokuto in high school. From lunchtimes to volleyball, from the sound of his name leaving Bokuto's lips to the warmth of his hugs, Akaashi remembers the days when Bokuto Koutarou was his.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 14
Kudos: 56





	My Precious First Love

**Author's Note:**

> hello this is just me spilling my angst and soft feelings over bokuaka in the form of a rlyyy short fic nksrfnkrg
> 
> hope you like it ;)

Love? Yeah, I have felt that once. Just once though, a long time ago, when I was a teenager. I might have only been a high schooler then but the love I had for him, the love I received back, the love we had together is something I will never ever forget nor ever be able to forget. After all, he was my precious first love.

We were young. We barely knew what love meant but with him, I knew it was love. A messy, clumsy, innocent love. 

Others may have found him stupid, annoying, childlike, but to me, it was those very qualities of his that caught my eyes. The way he used to scream my name for every small thing, the way he used to rush to my classroom once school ended to walk home with me, the way he used to look at me and smile to the point his cheeks would hurt, I loved it all. He was lovely, absolutely lovely.

I would do anything to relive those days - to be able to wake up early in the morning to make lunch for two, to eat in a classroom during lunch and hear him chat away about his day, to give him food from my lunch box even though I always prepared a larger lunchbox for him because I knew he had a large appetite and had a bottomless pit for a stomach. I would trade anything to go back to that time. 

I wonder, is he still getting in trouble for daydreaming? Does he still doze off and wake up with a start, usually by screaming something related to his dream and embarrassing himself? Does he still lighten up the mood by cracking ridiculously stupid jokes? 

If you knew I was thinking of you, of us, would you think I was being selfish? When I was the one who let you go? Do you hate me? When you think of me, of Akaashi Keiji, do you remember our happy memories or the memories of me breaking your heart?

I had to let you go, you know. I loved you with my whole life and soul. And I know you did too. You loved me to the point you were ready to drop everything if it meant being with me for even a second longer. You were ready to go to the end of the world with me. I could not let you do that. I loved you too much to have you abandon your dreams for me. 

I knew how much effort you put into volleyball, into making sure you were one step closer to your dream by the time you graduated high school. I knew you used to go to the hall near my house after dropping me off to practice till late at night. I knew you used to practice before coming to pick me up in the morning. I knew you practiced volleyball in between lesson breaks. You exhausted yourself to make sure you improved and were national player worthy. You thought you were doing a good job at hiding how tired and busy you were but you really were not, at least, not from me, the person who knew you best. How could I, the person who knew how hard you practiced and how much you loved volleyball, let you leave all this for me? 

I was holding you back. I was a liability. For the sake of love, sacrifices must be made. Sometimes, those sacrifices are love itself. We were unlucky. We fell under that “sometimes”.

I really did love and treasure you. I hope you knew. You probably did. I was terrible at expressing how much I cared about you but you always understood. You always knew. 

I never told you but I was willing to go to the end of the world with you too, you know, hand in hand. 

The memories we made together, they will never leave me. I will never forget the feeling of your lips on mine, of your hand in mine, of your forehead against mine. I will never forget the warmth of your hugs. I will never forget how protected and comfortable I felt in your embrace, how just one hug and squeeze was enough to have me conquering my fears. I will never forget the feeling of walking home with you and seeing the same view as you. I will never forget the face you used to make when we would reach my house and it was time to say goodbye. I will never forget how happy you would look when you come to pick me up in the morning. I will never forget your “hello’s” and “bye’s”. But most importantly, I will forget the sound of your “I love you’s”. I will never forget.

I hope you are happy now. I hope you found someone new. It would be a shame if you never loved again because of me. You showered me with so much love. You made me feel special every single day I was with you. I had many regrets before meeting you, made many mistakes and was ashamed of myself, of my past, but meeting you made me glad I did what I did because if I had done anything differently, I would never have walked down the road that lead to you. You wiggled your way into my life and my heart to the point I could not keep my eyes off of you, to the point I caught myself unconsciously following you with my eyes. I hope someone else was fortunate enough to feel this love, to feel loved by you.

We may have gone our separate ways. We may no longer be involved in each other’s lives. I know that I am no longer the person who knows everything about you and you are no longer the person who knows everything about me. Neither of us have a place in each other’s recent memories and now, we are just a part of each other’s teenage memories but I was thankful. I was thankful for our love, for our relationship, for our memories,but most importantly, I was thankful to have you. I still am. 

Do I regret what I did? To say no would be a lie. But every time I catch myself thinking of you, of what we could have been if I had not let you go then, if I had just let you drop everything for me, I watch your matches. I look at your achievements- past and present. And then I know my answer. I do not regret it. If I had not let you go then, all the victories and happiness you were receiving now would not have come to you.

I loved you, still love you and will always love you. You are my precious first love. Thank you, Bokuto Koutarou.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed this fic. thank you for reading my first bkak work ;-;;
> 
> im here on [twt](https://twitter.com/oyaoho) :)


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